Why do I write about real people and real life?

Make no judgments where you have no compassion.

Why do I talk about real life people and events in my blog?

I have had a few reactions to my writing about real life events and people in my blog, some people saying that they have found reading about my interactions with them interesting or informative and others feeling affronted or upset taking meaning from something I have said that was not intended to be unkind. So I thought I would tackle this and clarify why real life people and events are discussed. I rarely name people within the blog except Rick and Chris on occasion, but I do recognize that when I am writing about people and events that have happened it is easy for someone to identify themselves or others.

This blog has evolved to be about spirituality and in particular Buddhism, Dharma, and how this shapes my life and relationships. One of the fundamental doctrines of Buddhism is being mindful, really looking at every thing we do and trying to understand perceptions and feelings. To do this it is necessary for me to look at and examine any interaction, specifically the challenges that come up in day to day life. This was never intended as a way to rant and be mean about other people. One person may cause a difficult reaction in me on one occasion but that does not mean that they are always perceived to me in this way. What I am striving to explore is my own perceptions and issues. This is not about me pointing out anyone’s flaws because what I perceive is not necessarily what others perceive and I recognize that I do not know what happens internally within other people. Therefore I have no right to judge anyone. Any problems that come up in me because of relations with another person are my problems.

One instance I can use is my writing about my perception of Rick being wronged. I am writing about this because I recognize it created a lot of disquiet within me. It was interesting to observe how fierce my reaction to something negative happening to him and how powerful my unhappy feelings became. I am never trying to judge the people involved in the choices and circumstances that led him to that point because I cannot know what triggered each isolated decision in a chain of events. What I do believe is that this was a seed of karma coming to fruit because the conditions for it to do so transpired. When this situation is perceived in this way it no longer becomes about what is fair, or unfair and it is no longer about any of the people involved. The angry feelings I experience are my problem and looking at the situation is about resolving my peace and wellbeing.

Being rational does not magically make all my discontent and frustration dissolve. Although I know logically nothing is fair or unfair and those ideals are just impressions that reside within my mind (they are not permanent or reliable). My mind however has thought of these conceptions as reality my entire life, letting go is like slowly ripping of a plaster of certainty that has existed for so long it has become something I believe is truly part of me. What I am trying to awaken myself too is the truth that what I discern as unfair another may accept as fair, and on any given day my own view of fair and unfair may alter. Therefore how can such concepts possibly exist? Undoubtedly the people who felt it necessary to punish Rick harshly felt that they where acting in a reasonable, just way, and clearly I feel that they where not. On this occasion nobody is right or wrong. What I can grasp on a rational level is that the concepts of fair or unfair do not inherently exist therefore nobody has been wronged. On an emotional level I am still at a stage where seeing something happen to Rick that is potentially harmful to him affects my own peace of mind and wellbeing. What I am writing about in my blog is my way of being mindful of this acknowledging those feelings and trying to resolve them.

Other situations that I have discussed and will continue to discuss are situations when I react on an emotional level towards someone. There are many people who have difficulties alike or contrasting to my own, and who on interacting with will leave me feeling some kind of emotive resonance. There are other people who I will immediately feel cautious around not because they are bad people, but because there is some kind of transference, or they are emulating something I am uncomfortable with within myself. I can say truthfully at this point in my life that there is no one person I dislike and view as inherently bad. Even those who have harmed me in ways others judge on the level of reprehensible, I have some level of compassion or regard for, even if I cannot tolerate any kind of interaction with them. There are people in my day to day life who challenge me and who I am anxious interacting with but those are not people I actively dislike or wish harm too. If they are mentioned in the context of this blog it is not intended to be bitchy or snide and like any other situation that is testing, it is purely an analysis of my own mind.

In all human relationships, at times things do occur that cause anger and un-rest; a temporary annoyance or aversion to a person(s), and rather than let this exacerbate I have started to meditate on these feelings to understand things from the other persons perspective. It is incredible when doing this how apparent it becomes that we are seeing things always from our own point of view, only thinking about what makes us happy, and seldom considering the other persons reasoning. One book I was reading recently “The miracle of mindfulness” by “Thich Nhat Hanh” there is a useful suggestion for a meditation to help grow compassion for those people that one may find difficult or dislike. I have found this so useful to do when someone hurts or upsets me that I thought I might share it here.

“Sit quietly, breathe and smile the half smile. Contemplate the image of the person who has caused you the most suffering. Regard the features you hate or despise the most or find the most repulsive. Try to examine what makes the person happy and what causes suffering in his/her daily life. Contemplate the person’s perceptions; try to see what patterns of thought and reason the person follows. Examine what motivates this person’s hopes and actions. Finally consider the persons consciousness. See whether his view sand insights are open and free or not, and whether or not he has been influenced by any prejudices, narrow-mindedness, hatred or anger. See whether or not he/she are a master of themselves. Continue until you feel compassion rise in your heart like a well filling with fresh water and your anger and resentment disappear. Practice this many times on the same person”

This can be done about one person or a whole group of people. I found it particularly useful when dealing with my own anger about the LARP society’s treatment of Rick. I found that when I reflected on every person who was involved in that set of affairs individually, I could see that none of them where bad people, that made it easier to feel compassion and love and not let anger about specific decisions and events cause me to wish those people harm or suffering. It is really important to me that I do not let my disillusion of one incident cause me to have negative intentions towards others. It is very easy to just hate and not consider another persons perspective. I am starting to realise that even though anger is a devastating emotion it is far easier to feel angry than it is to feel compassionate. I am also starting to realise the benefits of unconditional regard.

“Those who are without compassion cannot see what is seen with the eyes of compassion”

To stay angry would leave me blind and that small insight is the crucial difference between despair and hope.
I did for a while ponder being more cryptic in this blog so that it would not be as easy for people to identify themselves if the decided to read it. However I realised that it would be impossible for me to continue being open and mindful here and the more cryptic I am the less I am being honest. Being cryptic would perhaps lead to even more misunderstanding of the words I am writing. Therefore I am hopeful this post goes some way to explaining my reasoning and stops people assuming I am ranting for the sake of being mean. I think in this day and age there are a lot of hidden sarcastic commentaries and so people are often looking into words that are meant to be taken on face value and seeing something more. I want to assure everyone that sarcasm is something I rarely do and therefore if I write something in this blog then it means exactly what it says and nothing more. If I am thanking someone for a challenging situation then I am genuinely thankful. When I say I am angry I really do mean that this is my problem and nobody else is to blame. Other people may highlight my perceptions to me but that does not mean they created those perceptions. My aim is to eventually feel the same amount of regard for people no matter how the act towards or around me.