Dharma and Meditation

“Meditation is not evasion; it is a serene encounter with reality”
Thich Nhat Hanh

A number of people who are interested in meditation practice have asked me what benefits I am getting from it and what I find easy or difficult so rather than answer all individually I thought I would give a general answer on my blog. Markedly these are benefits that meditation has brought to my life and I think for everyone it is a personal journey. I am also now unable to separate what value has come from the meditation and what benefits are from learning and practicing Dharma however I fully believe that one can meditate and have definite life changes without being a Buddhist. That being said I will also talk about the benefits and challenges of trying to incorporate some of the philosophy into my life as although loving and being kind to everyone sounds like an awesome way to live it is not always easy.

I used to have a lot of difficulty meditating on my own without the help of a teacher, class, or even just a friend/partner to talk about things with. In the past I found it hard to concentration my mind. I wasn’t sure what I should be meditating on – if anything and I felt like my mind would just run off instead of being focused. What I have started to learn is that meditation is contrary to doing nothing; even though my mind can be peaceful it can also be at its most active.

This is where I see the value in prayer. If one believes in a God and focuses there mind on talking to that God, contemplating and trying to understand the nature of the universe and reality, then it is a little easier to direct and control the mind. Any kind of contemplation on compassion, love and acceptance is adding to those persons well being, and those whom they have regard for, be that Christian, Sikh, Muslim or any other religion that believes in God. It does not actually matter if God does or does not exist in the sense that those monolithic faiths perceive, the point is that if the person praying is trying to attain a peaceful mind then by focusing the mind on positive thoughts they will realize enlightenment to some degree. The nature of prayer however is not always peaceful contemplation.

I used to feel a rather fierce loathing of almost all religion because I had tripped upon so many people making sweeping judgmental statements about anything they professed that there God did not like. I was tired of it. Tired of being told that there’s was the only way, and tired of the intimidation of hell from every corner of religion; if you didn’t agree with them and there prophet then off to the fiery pits of hell you go. Everywhere we are all condemning others to hell and it seems that when everyone is busy judging others and preaching that there faith is the only way nobody is really achieving anything, let alone getting close to understanding the nature of the universe and unconditional love.

And so…

I gave up on religion. I decided that above everything else I just wanted to be the best person I could be, and regardless of life being eternal or my existence being one short lifetime, I wanted to make the most of it no matter what. I wanted to meditate not because I sought to believe in some idea about reincarnation or nirvana but simply because my mind is often mayhem and I wanted to feel calm, I wanted to be happy. I had an interest in Buddhism simply because I felt that it was the most peaceful religion I had come across and because nobody so far from that faith had ever made me feel like I was being judged. The philosophy I had heard about being kind to each other and not harming living things seemed nice. Nice enough that I was willing to learn more and at the very least accept being around Buddhists so that I could learn from them how to meditate. So when I walked into that class it was for this reason alone.

The main benefits from meditation so far are –

that my mind is more peaceful. This does not mean that my mind is in the most peaceful state possible but when I compare it to how I was before I started meditating I can see a substantial improvement. The danger with that statement however is how do I explain a peaceful state of mind because I imagine for everyone peaceful has a very unique interpretation? I can see just by being around Rick that my peaceful mind would be interpreted as chaos if he where to experience it internally himself (he is far calmer influence than I am). I am a stress bug, and I tend to be on the sensitive/over emotional side. Peaceful for me at this point is just calming down from stressful situations quicker than I have been able to do in the past. I am not at a stage where I can sidestep stress but I am more self aware when I start to feel any emotion be that anger, upset, joy or anxiety and meditation has given me a more natural ability to watch my own mind. This means that things don’t sneak up on me, I detect the subtle signs of upset or anxiety quicker and I start dealing with it before I am too overwhelmed to think clearly.


One of the useful similes that our teacher used was comparing our mind to the sky. The sky is blue always, even when it’s covered in clouds the blue sky doesn’t go away it is always there underneath and the clouds are just temporarily covering it. If you fly above the clouds it won’t be long until you see the clear blue sky. The natural state of our mind is tranquility but there are continuously clouds and emotions forming and dissolving. Being aware of the clouds and the clear tranquil sky above all the turmoil makes us conscious of there temporariness and allows us to appreciate the peaceful sky above. I have been practicing a meditation where I watch my mind. I simply see what comes up and observe as an on looker. Rather than say I feel upset, or I feel anxious I observe as an outsider… and that gives me some distance from any negative feelings and allows me to practice and get better at connecting with the calm above the storm when things are difficult. I have a LONG way to go with this practice but every once in a while a stressful situation comes up where I can see a real difference in how I react and feel and that spurs me on to keep practicing.

We do a lot of contemplative meditations, focusing on unconditional regard and working through negative feelings I actively use my imagination to let negative thoughts and feelings go. There are other nights when I am focusing on the heart chakra and focusing my mind on clear white light. During class we have had various guided meditations and we go over these at home on our own most evenings and then discuss after. I think at the moment we are meditating for 30 or 40 minutes in the evening with the occasional evening off if we feel too exhausted. I would have thought some months ago that this was an exceptionally long time to be doing nothing but actually that time passes quickly and I know now that meditation is the complete opposite of doing nothing. My body may be still but my mind is perhaps at its most active and focused at these times

I have experienced some peculiar headspaces over recent months while meditating. I am uncertain if I would describe these as spiritual in nature but they are certainly strange. Both myself and rick have felt a warm tingling in the middle of our chest that seems to spread though out entire body. It’s a very pleasant feeling. We have also felt our conscious move for brief moments down into her heart area. I have experienced a feeling like I am looking at the edge of something, and yet actually that something is nothing at all, a feeling of falling into a vast emptiness. This was only for moments and actually scared me enough to pull my concentration back but after I felt a calmness that lasted hours. It felt like any worry or anxiety could simply dispel into this emptiness. There are some nights when I feel like I struggle to focus and I’m uncertain if I am getting benefit and yet any night that I meditate I have no trouble falling asleep which is usually difficult for me. If anything meditating is worth it simply for the relief of my insomnia.

Out in my daily life is where the real test transpires. It is easy to get myself into a calm headspace when I am secure in my home, safe and warm with Rick and some nice candles and incense to help me generate a positive mind. In real life when I am out at work, interacting with people and coming into contact with situations that are externally stressful it is not always easy to keep the momentum of my evening meditation going. The more I learn the more I realise just how many delusions I have. I am far more aware of all the angry feelings I create throughout the day and how often I am allowing external situations to become my problem. So often I am conscious of a destructive thought or feeling that often I wish I could go back to not noticing. I get frustrated with myself because I understand the logic that everything is generated from my own mind despite the external situation and yet I haven’t been able to make that leap of applying that logic to my emotions.

Everything I live through is generated from my own mind. When I have a problem it is made in my mind and no-where else. Our teacher described this by using a car as an example. When the car breaks down people often say I have a problem because the car has broken down. The let the fact the car has broken down ruin the rest of the day, perhaps being in a bad mood and feeling like it is generally unfair and yet when you re-examine the situation it becomes clear that the car breaking down is the cars problem and how you react to the situation is your problem. There are 2 separate problems. I can allow external events to cause my mind to run riot or I can remember that the external problem is separate from my mind and not let the clouds form in the first place… the latter is far more difficult than it seems especially when dealing with other people.It is dealing with other people and maintaining a positive compassionate mind that I currently find tough. It’s not easy to see people treat others unfairly or cruel and not have a disheartening emotional reaction. Some weeks after the initial problem about Rick being treated poorly I am still having moments when I feel genuine anger and although I acknowledge that the anger is destructive and unhelpful I am unable to push the anger away. What I have been able to do is see the feelings that are coming up in me as my problem, separate from the initial problem with Rick. I can also fully appreciate the fact that this reaction being so forceful is because Rick is someone that I love and respect and therefore when others do not appreciate him the way I do I find that inconceivable. For a number of weeks I tried to suffocate the angry feelings and try and push myself into more positive frame of mind of tolerance and regard however it was when reading the book The miracle of mindfulness – by Thich Nhat Hanh that I started to understand that it was not helpful to repress such feelings. This particular paragraph put things in a different light;

“We should treat our anxiety, our pain, our hatred and passion gently, respectfully, not resisting it, but living with it, making peace with it, penetrating into its nature by meditation on interdependence”

By feigning that I don’t feel discouraged and saddened I am not respecting my feelings or giving myself any compassion. At this stage in my life there are going to be moments where I will feel angry, that doesn’t mean I have to act those feelings out and make others suffer because by being aware of what’s going on means I am prepared for any situation where I may be confronted or overwhelmed thus I can prepare myself when dealing with certain people and strive to treat them with as much compassion as I treat Rick. Today I have spent time just watching my mind and accepting any emotions or thoughts that surface without putting them into the category of negative or positive.

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”

What I can see clearly is that although I would still have a similar standpoint if the same events had happened to another person I know that my emotive reaction would be milder and far easier to rein in. It would therefore be easier to argue with rational rather than emotion. I am allowing these feelings to come up in meditation and just watch them from a distance to try to let them go with grace. It is essential for me to be aware that this is still causing unpleasant feelings internally and apply the logic that such feelings are transient and fixable within me. Outwardly the external situation is now impossible to resolve, to do so would necessitate my giving several people a brain transplant and that is on the side of slightly impractical.

Another interesting metaphor we learned at class, you can cover the ground in leather, or, you can just wear shoes. So I cannot change the situation but I can do what Rick is doing and not allow it to become my problem. Through this entire problem he has accepted the fact that this is his Karma and that’s ok. I cannot do any more externally to help those in control see things from a different point of view and in life normal everyday people will always see things from there side. The person I was 6 months ago would have allowed this to carry on making me angry and perhaps gone on to feel bitter enough about the society in question that I gave up altogether. I am still extremely dismayed and it’s unfortunate that I would no longer be able to look someone in the eye and say that this society is any different from any other LARP group when it comes to politics and such. However I am prepared to carry on being involved so that perhaps in time I can restore the damage to my moral around role-play. Although it is disappointing to see my partner treated poorly by a society that he has worked hard for and continues to do so I appreciate that the events have added a challenge for us both especially Rick to practice patient acceptance. Life would be very easy if there where no challenges like this one but there would be no opportunity to practice Dharma. If Rick can rise above this because he likes the people enough to be compassionate and accepting then I should strive to do the same. What I am grateful for and one of the benefits I can now see from that particular challenge is the fact that it has really shown me just what an amazing person I am with. Where many people would have ranted and raved (myself included) he was able to keep a peace of mind that is normally reserved for enlightened individuals.

So…

I would like to Thank the society, and those people who created this experience for us because without them progress could not be made. It has helped me know my mind better.

I find any and all social situations a challenge. I don’t really enjoy being in social groups and I find more often than not I am happier just being at home or around one or 2 people who I like and respect. In larger social gatherings especially around hobby groups/socialites politics and hypocrisy start to come into play and regrettably this is a facet of human behavior that I do not understand. I thought that if meditation helped with my stress levels I might start to enjoy being in a larger group because I would be able to relax more. So far although it is starting to get a little easier my preference is still to avoid these situations or at least I can only tolerate it for so long before I need to withdraw for a little while. Perhaps what I am starting to accept is that I do prefer taking a backseat in this kind of social group and I’m ok with that. I will never be part of the in crowed and I’m not sure it’s necessary for my happiness.

One thing that Meditation and Dharma have changed for me is my perception of any event both positive and negative. Any experience that I find challenging is what intensifies my resolution to do better, be better and live more in the moment. Any person that wrongs me or hurts me is giving me an opening to feel compassion and so ultimately nothing is negative and in effect the entire concept of positive/negative becomes non existent because they are only such due to my perception and perceptions can always be changed through mindfulness and meditation.