Selflessness and Compassion

Let your love flow outward through the universe,To its height, its depth, its broad extent,A limitless love, without hatred or enmity.Then as you stand or walk,Sit or lie down,As long as you are awake,Strive for this with a one-pointed mind;Your life will bring heaven to earth. Sutta Nipata

Tonight I attended a Buddhist meditation class in town. It’s something I have been thinking of doing for a long time but since I am cautious of organized religion I gave it some serious thought before attending. In the end Rick and I both decided to go along with an open mind. The experience was positive. The guided meditation was valuable and I feel I learned some basic skills that I can take into my own meditation practice at home. I enjoyed the talk on some of the philosophy behind Buddhism as it has given me some food for thought.

One of the topics we touched on is the idea of selfishness. This seems a severe topic to be explored but it wasn’t put across in a harsh way. We are all selfish, and when you examine your mind and really think about your motivation, even in acts that might seem selfless it is possible to find some selfish reasons and thoughts that are part of the motivation. This is because we are all the centre of our own worlds. We perceive, feel, and see the world through our own eyes and so it is in our interests to put our own needs first. What I found interesting is taking myself temporarily out of this mindset and trying to see the world in a different way. That every living being, human, or animal all have basic needs and wants. Everyone is seeking happiness and everyone has felt or will feel suffering. People and animals rarely do things they know will cause them suffering. If everyone feels as I do, and has the ability to feel happy and sad then I am not the centre and it is only my perception that makes me think and act as if I am. In reality I am no more important or unimportant than any other living being.

It is difficult to keep this mindset for long because it’s not the natural way of perceiving. However when I was able to momentarily step out of my own world, and my own way of perceiving I was able to realise fully for the first time that my own wellbeing and contentment is no more important than any other person or living being. My own feelings towards any living being is irrelevant I do not need to know them personally, they could be at the other side of the world and have nothing in common with me but because they exists and the feel just as I do they are as significant and insignificant as I am.

It puts into question then, why do I continue to seek out my own comfort and wellbeing and why do I often lack the awareness of the feelings and needs of others around me. My self is my primary concern only because it is necessary that I fill my basic needs such as food, warmth, and water in order to survive. However that does not mean that I should not develop awareness of the needs of others or that given the choice I should always please myself first.

With this knowledge I felt like I am able to step back from my own perception of the world and appreciate that I am in a position where my basic survival needs are met and I am in a place where I can affect other peoples life’s for the better.

I would like to strive to do this in a way that is not motivated from self-interest. (This is easier said than done). I may endeavor to be a good person and yet I rarely go deep enough into my consciousness to consider what my motivations are. I choose to be a support worker because I want to help people but if I think deeper I can see that at least some of my drive to work in this field is based on the fulfillment and feelings of wellbeing I get because I am helping people and so even the desire for that feeling of wellbeing is based on my own desires. Bringing this awareness into my consciousness does not mean that I will not have selfish motivations but by making myself aware of them I can make better choices.

Another point is how hard it is to view all beings as equal. There are people whose opinion I will find abhorrent, there are people who I will disagree with, misunderstand, feel furious at and yet they are just as important as I am. How to even begin to change ones outlook to one of complete acceptance and equality? This, I feel I have been striving to do for well over a year. I have started to view each individual person with unconditional compassion. A quote from the Dalai Lama;

“Your love and compassion towards your friends is in many cases actually attachment, This feeling is not based on the realization that all beings have an equal right to be happy and to overcome suffering, Instead, it is based on the idea that something is ‘mine’ my friend or something good for ‘me’. That is attachment. Thus, when the person’s attitude towards you changes, your feelings of closeness immediately disappears. With the other way, you develop some kind of concern irrespective, of the other person’s attitude to you, simply because that person is a fellow human being and has every right to overcome suffering. Whether that person remains neutral to you or even becomes your enemy, your concern should remain.”

This is a very hard concept to embrace. How difficult is it to feel empathy for those people that show us none, or who go one step further actively hurt us. Why should there needs and wants be considered important if they seem to be deliberately causing others harm?

From my experience and I am only 26 years old so I will admit that my experience is still limited. I have gained nothing from hate. There have been many people in my life who have hurt me in some way, or shown me no regard. There are those I have hated for years and it has done me no good. Usually it causes my mind to be disturbed, and tense. It is only at times in my life when I have not only let go of that hate but actively attempted to feel some compassion for that person that I have felt any peace. No matter what that person has done to me, no matter how bad the deed done or what affect it’s had on my life, letting go of the anger and hatred has always been a positive experience.

I can say now that I hold no grudges. There are fleeting moments of annoyance, agitation, or anger over another persons action’s but now I make a point to let it go and try to give that person the same regards as anyone else. It seems it is the people that challenge me that I learn the most from. Today’s talk and guided mediation has built on what I have already been trying to do and given me an even wider perspective. My aim this week is to meditate and keep bringing my awareness back to unbiased compassion. I hope to keep stepping out of my world and my perception where my own thoughts and feelings are the centre of my world and continue to bring my consciousness back to the knowledge that this is only perception and not reality.

I am certain there will be moments when I am directing anger towards another person. Like everyone else I have moments when I want to stamp my feet and swear at people because they are doing something I deem unfair but I am hoping if I work hard on this those moments will become even fewer and I can hopefully gain a more peaceful state of mind and thus effect the people around me in a positive way, even those who are not able to return the good goodwill.